John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
