his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
