i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
