Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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