Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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