I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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