so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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