all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
