that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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