i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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