i think my tv is drunk
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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