I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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