so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
