nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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