i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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