the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
