dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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