just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
