he wants to bone in the snuggie
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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