How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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