I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize