D3 body, D1 cock
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
