I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
