Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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