btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
