I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
