This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
