don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
