I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
