He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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