I like to think it a success when the cops are called
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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