drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
