she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
