awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
