she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
