just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
