is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
