she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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