Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
