wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
