Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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