I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
