this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
