Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
