Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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