So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
