The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
