yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
