I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
