not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
