I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
