um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
