tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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