i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
