How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
