At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
