3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
