just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize