Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
