She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize