Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
