I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
