She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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