Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
