so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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