Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
