I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
