Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
