Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
